Taking a step back from big dreams.
Viveka
Time has taken on a different meaning for me this year. I became an empty-nester. Instead of spending my evening hours toting kids from activity to activity, I’ve got time for myself.
Like a parched desert traveler at an oasis, I spent my first couple of months lapping up the precious time. I didn’t create a single thing and accomplished nothing. I spent whole chunks of evening time driving to sub just one yoga class or hike one trail. I’d eat supper by myself, and then drive all the way back home.
At some point I must have finally quenched my thirst, because I found myself starting to shift towards thinking of time as a commodity. I now had time to spend, so what big things was I going to do with it?! For the first time in forever, I started daydreaming about the future. At first, these daydreams of big plans and big ideas brought me energy and excitement. But like someone who has come into a nice windfall of cash (but nowhere near a jackpot), this idea of how to spend my new time started becoming less about dreams and more about what I couldn't have.
This past week, I started reading the Dali Lama’s The Book of Joy, and I find my thoughts about time shifting yet again. The Dali Lama speaks of time as a wisdom that is being lost. We all know that modern society is moving at crazy speeds. But he takes this description further by observing that we seem to be chasing after our best lives yet always feeling like we are two steps behind. And he worries about what this is doing to our happiness. He suggests something radical: using our precious, precious time to build simple happiness not big dreams.
After being starved of time as a busy mom, this seems so wasteful. I know how precious time is! How can I belittle it by doing nothing big and important with it? And yet, what is more important than simple happiness?
Yoga philosophy speaks of a process called Viveka. Viveka is being raw and honest about the simple goodness and rightness that is in your life right now. Not your goals, not your hopes and dreams. But what simple parts of your life are good and right today.
I guess time, like money, doesn’t bring you happiness. You need to take the time to discern. So here are my New Year's time discernments.
Does this bring me a routine? Does it bring me a sense of being settled?
Does this bring me connection? Does this connect me with others? Does this connect me with my higher power?
Does this bring me mindfulness or creativity? Does this give me space to think?
Happy New Years,
Laura
