Aparigraha

I love playing board games, the more complex the better.  I’m even part of a weekend beer and board game group.  But learning a new board game? Well, let’s just say I’m not the most coachable.  I really hate feeling stupid.  I know there’s enjoyment on the other side, but first I have to step through some pretty uncomfortable hours.  

So how do we become more at ease with stepping into the uncomfortable? 

Yoga philosophy suggests we begin by simply noticing that we are uncomfortable.  This seems obvious, but when we are feeling uncomfortable our thoughts are often on anyone and everything but our own feelings.  Personally, my first thoughts are usually “this is stupid” not “I’m feeling stupid”.  

Next, yoga suggests that we do some self-inquiry and step that feeling all the way back to our personal core values and which value is feeling vulnerable.  Here are some questions that may help you get there. For me, “I don’t like feeling stupid” steps back to “I like it when people see me as smart” which steps back to “lifelong learner is an important part of who I am”.    

• How is this rubbing up against what you value?  

• What self doubt is this stirring up?  

• What part of your self story is this gnawing at?   

• What image of yourself is feeling exposed? 

And finally, we get to what yoga calls Aparigraha, or non-attachment.  Aparigraha suggests that once we identify which of our core values is feeling vulnerable, we begin the work of loosening our grip on it a bit.  The values we hold dear are important, vital.  Our values fill us up like moving clouds, making us who we are.  But they are meant to fill us in a way that is flexible, harmonious and ever evolving.  Not solid, rigid and prone to cracks when the inevitable setback happens.  If we hold on too tight, the value suffocates us from the outside instead of filling us from the inside. 

Values are not meant to be identities, costumes that we are sewn into.  What's the saying?  What people think of you is none of your business.  Aparigraha encourages us to loosen our attachment to what we think that value looks like.  Instead, imagine your value floating around inside, constantly changing shape and filling you up in ways our human minds can’t even comprehend.      

I can step into feeling uncomfortably stupid when it no longer feels like a threat to who I am.  I can make stupid first game mistakes.  I can be the only person at the table who completely misses the smart strategy.  I can (gasp) lose.  And all because of that beautiful lifelong learner cloud that is floating around inside of me, limber and supple and resilient.    

Until next time,

Laura

Want more? Try these!

The Value of Feeling Free: Aparigraha

For When We Want to Let Go But Can’t:  An aparigraha meditation