Surviving the Family Holidays
Being in charge of our reactions
Yoga Sutra 1.33
Being in charge of our reactions
Yoga Sutra 1.33
Can you believe that there exists 2,000 year-old advice on how to deal with the relatives? (Sarcastic insert, “of course we can!”) Yoga has 4 pieces of advice for dealing with our people:
Be happy for those who are happy.
Be aware of those who are suffering.
Smile for those who are being rewarded.
Overlook those who are being crappy.
These 4 pieces of advice are sometimes called “The 4 Keys”, but this isn’t just a cheesy title like the keys to success or the keys to happiness. These keys are actually more about the locks than the keys.
For example, when our people are happy or being rewarded, it’s so very easy to do the internal eye roll. Nobody sees our little moment of judging, but it puts up a lock - a barrier. Our person is throwing out beams of joy and, like Wonder Woman, we are blocking it from hitting us. Of course, it’s complicated because we know our people and their history. We may be able to predict what that current happiness may lead to, or we may not understand why life seems to be rewarding them. But who is it really hurting when we label joy as worthy or unworthy? Life is hard and sucky. Why not let the warmth in when it’s offered?
We have other internal reactions that we need to be aware of as well. Maybe we shake our inner head when our people are short-tempered or trying too hard to be funny. Maybe we immediately go into advice-mode when our people are more negative than usual. Maybe we bring out the big chin-up smile when our people are quieter than usual. If our people are suffering or being crappy, we can get locked into our own reactions. Instead, yoga asks us to notice both their actions and our reactions, and then to simply bear witness. We are encouraged to hold back in order to “hold space” for them. When you really think about it, that seems like a pretty loving thing to provide someone. You are seeing them - really seeing. You see their whole, perfectly imperfect humanity and you stay the course.
Let’s all try to practice self-awareness and self-restraint this holiday season. Because we never know when we may need it gifted back to us.
Until next time,
Laura
