Gifting Someone their Story
Present Listening
5 Vrittis
Spending multiple days at a cabin with extended family is quite the experience. The familiar small talk and updates are over within hours, and then something altogether different emerges: stories. Some are casual, some deep. But all are important, because sharing a story is one of the most genuine and effective ways of connecting.
This year I really want to work hard at gifting each story my full and present attention. Of course, the first step is to focus on the story and quiet my own mind of any daydreams, laundry lists, next thoughts… But if I’m going to listen - really listen - then I’m going to have to silence more than just that. Yoga describes 5 different types of thoughts, vrittis, that can pop up and interfere with staying present. This is helpful, because putting a label on a thought is an efficient way to quickly notice it and then push it out of the way.
1. facts
A thought might pop up questioning a fact from the story. Hmmm, was it really January like she just said, or was it February? Does it really matter? Nope! Stay present!
2. perception
Putting ourselves in someone’s shoes is fine, but not if it starts a series of thoughts that take us out of their story. Hmmm, if it was snowing that hard maybe she shouldn’t have been hiking in the woods because…
3. motive
These types of thoughts hijack the story and bring you into it. Hmmm, next time she asks me to go on a hike I better check the weather myself.
4. future
This happens so quickly it’s hard to catch right away, but it's important to stem this off and get back to the story at hand. Hmmm, she’s lucky that person found her and helped her up or she could have been there all night and…
5. past
It’s fine to connect our own story, but wait your turn. Hmmm, this reminds me of that time when…
Quickly labeling pop-up thoughts and pushing them out of the way helps us stay fully present. And gifting someone the opportunity to share their story really is a present.
Until next time,
Laura